Talk slightly politically incorrect to me

Happily, we’re no longer in a society where it’s okay to club your wife over the head and drag her back to your cave but have we gone too far in the opposite direction?  Consider it, as females, we’ve always had that nagging little voice in the back of head that says, “don’t swear it’s not ladylike,” or “if you speak like that men will think you’re easy.”  However now we have men too afraid to say anything remotely politically incorrect, even in the bedroom.

All this politically correctness makes it difficult to talk dirty.  “I’d love to touch your ladyparts, if you’re okay with that.”  Uhm, no, not sexy.

So make a rule with your partner that it’s okay to be a little blue in the bedroom. Despite giving him permission, you may have to help him a bit by starting first.  Remember, a lot of guys have been so caught up in “never say x, y, or z,” that it may take a little bit of effort to shake them loose.

An easy way to start?  Share your fantasies.  Obviously this isn’t something that you do over dinner, this is pillow talk.  So turn off the lights, get comfortable, and bravely put yourself out there.

Take it out of the bedroom – send him a spicy text message (on his private account, not his work account) or whisper a little something in his ear on the walk into the restaurant.  No, your life shouldn’t revolve around your sex life but your sex life shouldn’t revolve around your life.

Now, the caveats:  Give him a list of words that should never ever pass his lips under any circumstances.  Don’t involve others (colleagues, waiters, passers-by), keep it private.  Make it fun – working on your sex life should feel like anything but work.

Privacy in marriage

How often have you heard couples say, “we share everything” while you roll your eyes and think gimme a break!  The truth is that most couples have some secrets from one another.  Although you should strive to be as honest as possible with your partner, privacy is still allowed in marriage.

Omission is a form of lying but it doesn’t mean that you should tell your mate everything (think of how tedious that would be!).  However there are a few things that you should never omit (although you may want to pick your moments carefully):  the name of anyone who has seen you naked and is still in your life, flirting or more with someone outside your relationship, unhappiness with any major aspect of your life (work, family, relationship), money issues of any sort, health issues, or any change in your life philosophy that would subsequently change your expectations.

Outright lying is not acceptable in any form.  If you can’t tell your spouse where you were, you shouldn’t have been there.  If he/she asks you a direct question, you should answer it honestly.  If the answer will cause problems, you may want to answer it in the safety of a marriage counselor’s office.  If you’re trying to better yourself and you can’t tell your spouse because he isn’t supportive – you may want to reconsider your relationship.

So what privacy is allowed in a marriage?  Details of previous relationships, unflattering opinions of your spouse held by friends or family members, sexual fantasies, embarrassing childhood stories, etc.  Basically – anything that wouldn’t have a significant impact on the direction or health of your relationship.