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Privacy in marriage

How often have you heard couples say, “we share everything” while you roll your eyes and think gimme a break!  The truth is that most couples have some secrets from one another.  Although you should strive to be as honest as possible with your partner, privacy is still allowed in marriage.

Omission is a form of lying but it doesn’t mean that you should tell your mate everything (think of how tedious that would be!).  However there are a few things that you should never omit (although you may want to pick your moments carefully):  the name of anyone who has seen you naked and is still in your life, flirting or more with someone outside your relationship, unhappiness with any major aspect of your life (work, family, relationship), money issues of any sort, health issues, or any change in your life philosophy that would subsequently change your expectations.

Outright lying is not acceptable in any form.  If you can’t tell your spouse where you were, you shouldn’t have been there.  If he/she asks you a direct question, you should answer it honestly.  If the answer will cause problems, you may want to answer it in the safety of a marriage counselor’s office.  If you’re trying to better yourself and you can’t tell your spouse because he isn’t supportive – you may want to reconsider your relationship.

So what privacy is allowed in a marriage?  Details of previous relationships, unflattering opinions of your spouse held by friends or family members, sexual fantasies, embarrassing childhood stories, etc.  Basically – anything that wouldn’t have a significant impact on the direction or health of your relationship.


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