I’m going to leave her just as soon as…

File this under “lies married men tell.”  I can hear you gnashing your teeth as I type!  One of the biggest is that he’s going to leave his wife once x, y, or z occurs.  It’s usually anything from his ship coming in to the kids leaving the nest.  The simple fact of the matter is, if he was going to leave her he would have already.

Why say it?  Because if he were to tell you that he’s perfectly satisfied in his situation as it stands and what he’s interested in is sex on the side, you’d run a mile.  “But there are girls out there who will give them sex,” I can hear you say.  Yes but most men like a bit of a challenge, and a woman who believes they’re in a relationship is less likely to out him to his wife.

So why does it work?  Hope.  You want to believe him.  You want to believe that you’re not the other woman.  You want to believe that there is some unseen force that prevents him from divorcing his wife and being with you.  Unfortunately, you’re lying to yourself as much as he’s lying to you.

Tell him to get his proverbial sh*t together, leave his wife, and then come see if you’re still interested.  If he never comes back, the only thing you’ve lost is a guy who will lie to you and who will eventually cheat on you in much the same way.

Nobody gets me like you do

Certainly there can not be a girl that hasn’t heard this line or a guy who hasn’t uttered it.  Unfortunately, it’s complete bullshit.  It’s a line designed to flatter your ego and ease their way into your panties.  It is a very effective means to an end.

The line works because it makes you feel special; as though you are the only person in the world with this magical connection to this other person.  It attempts to establish an immediate familiarity, a fast forward button to intimacy.  It turns that guy you barely know into “the one.”  I’m not saying that people don’t connect in unique ways, they most certainly do and you will connect with lots of people over your lifetime.

When a guy is throwing down a line like this too quickly, you would be correct to feel suspicious, not closer to him.  Consider his intentions for saying it.  He may want sex (okay, they *all* want sex) but he might also be a love junkie (addicted to the high that comes with the flirt and not in it for the long-term, even if he’s unaware of his status himself).

So don’t confuse that rush of hormones with knowledge of or experience with the other person.  Make sure you know them, not just their lines.

My psycho ex-girlfriend

It’s rare that you meet a guy that doesn’t have a “psycho ex-girlfriend” story.  He’ll regal you with how possessive she was, how she criticized his every move, and how she wasn’t supportive of his dreams.  You, in your head, immediately commit to not being *that girl* with him…because that’s how he’s going to fall in love with you, right?

Here’s the problem with the situation:  If she was such a psycho, why didn’t he see it earlier and get out?  Does he just have really bad judgment?  What was his part in her “psychosis” – did her drive her to behave in such a manner?  Or is it just a great story to gain sympathy and at the same time, communicate to females exactly the behavior that will “win” him? (Could he be striving for the “cool girl” who doesn’t bitch about his irresponsible behavior? Pay attention to the clues.)

I’m not saying that she wasn’t a psycho, maybe she was.  The point is, I don’t know her and neither do you.  The two things to remember here are 1) there are two sides to every story, and 2) if he talks about her like this, he’ll talk about you like this.