When one thinks of S&M, invariably the image conjured up includes black leather, a flogger, and someone looking incredibly pissed off. The truth of it is, if you’ve ever played with food products during sex or tied a lover up, you’ve indulged in, *gasp* kinky sex.
There is nothing wrong with a bit of slap and tickle, as long as it’s consensual. (If it’s not consensual – get out immediately.) So how do you start?
- Talk to your partner ahead of time. While some guys may think it’s cool to come home to find you in skin-tight leather with a mad hankering to paddle him, there’s a good chance that he may not. Communication is key. Talk to him about what you want to do (or what you want done to you) and exactly how far you want it to go. Remember, it’s better to leave a bit more to be discovered than to go too far. You can’t unring a bell.
- Once you have an idea of what you want to do, make an outline (no seriously – who wants to be naked, tied up, and their partner is standing there wondering what to do next). Figure out what you want to wear and what you want to do when (first tease, then spank, last sex). If there is a technique that you are unfamiliar with – learn it. There are books and seminars to teach you what you want to know. Then practice, practice, practice.
- Consider safety! Use a safeword (safeword = word the submissive partner uses to stop the action). Get trained in CPR/First Aid. Keep safety gear within easy reach (i.e., if you’re tying someone up, make sure you have scissors to cut the rope quickly). Be realistic about your plans (like if your partner has a history of heart/lung ailments, perhaps the hog tie is not the best option).
- Expect reality to be different from your plan. You may think, one thousand lashes, but can your partner really handle it? can your arm handle it? Mistakes will happen. Bruises will happen. Some things won’t be nearly as cool as you had intended. You need to forgive, be forgiven, and move forward.
- Mostly, have fun because if it isn’t fun, why are you doing it?