Nobody gets me like you do

Certainly there can not be a girl that hasn’t heard this line or a guy who hasn’t uttered it.  Unfortunately, it’s complete bullshit.  It’s a line designed to flatter your ego and ease their way into your panties.  It is a very effective means to an end.

The line works because it makes you feel special; as though you are the only person in the world with this magical connection to this other person.  It attempts to establish an immediate familiarity, a fast forward button to intimacy.  It turns that guy you barely know into “the one.”  I’m not saying that people don’t connect in unique ways, they most certainly do and you will connect with lots of people over your lifetime.

When a guy is throwing down a line like this too quickly, you would be correct to feel suspicious, not closer to him.  Consider his intentions for saying it.  He may want sex (okay, they *all* want sex) but he might also be a love junkie (addicted to the high that comes with the flirt and not in it for the long-term, even if he’s unaware of his status himself).

So don’t confuse that rush of hormones with knowledge of or experience with the other person.  Make sure you know them, not just their lines.

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How do you know when it’s right?

There comes a point in every relationship where you’re going to ask yourself if it’s “right”.  You will be simultaneously looking to the future and at your past mistakes and wondering if this could be the one.  The funny thing is, this is a question you will ask yourself repeatedly in a relationship, even after you’re married.

There will be no perfect time, perfect place, or perfect circumstance.  If you are waiting for that, you will die alone.  At any given moment you (and your partner) will be doing the best that you can.  Appreciate it for what it is.

Needless to say, if he’s a jerk – it isn’t “right”.  However, you need to make sure that you aren’t giving that little voice in your head free reign to run amok and sow doubt.  (If you habitually make bad choices and your little voice has to rescue you – that’s something you need to look at.)

There will be no sign from the heavens if your relationship is meant to be and even if something is perfect for you at one point in your life, it may not be perfect for you (or them) forever.  Fulfillment is not measured by your lack of failures, it is measured by your attempts to succeed.

Mathematician’s theory on “the one”

(I purposefully omitted details about my friend as he has no idea I have a blog or that he’s become the star of it.  Should he recognize his work and wish to claim it, I’ll be happy to give him credit.)

One night, over margaritas, a mathematician and I got into a discussion about the one.  I charmed him with my theory that there are six perfect matches for each person capable of making them happy and sustaining a long-term relationship.  Upon finishing, he gave me a patiently bemused look that mathematicians practice from the age of two and asked me how I arrived at six.  After hemming and hawing, I broke down and told him the truth – I pulled it out of my ass.  He then opted to share his theory on the one which generated a number far greater than six.  This was his formula (broken down for us mere mortals):

  • Population of the world divided by 2 (approximate number of females on the planet)
  • Approximate number of females on the planet divide by 3 (based on an average lifespan of 60 years worldwide, this will eliminate those too young or too old)
  • Approximate number of age-appropriate females divided by 2 (eliminating those that are married)
  • Approximate number of single, age-appropriate females divided by 2 (using a standard bell curve to assume attractiveness)
  • Approximate number of attractive, single, age-appropriate females divided by 10 (subjective number to eliminate females without common interests – your mileage may vary)
  • Approximate number of attractive, single, age-appropriate females with common interests divided by 1000 (subjective number to eliminate females unlikely to meet – your mileage may vary based travel, sociability, etc.)

Based on this, he estimated that there were approximately 20,000 the ones that he could make happy and sustain a long-term relationship with.  The point of the theory is not to disabuse you of the notion of a perfect person – if you want to live in fairy tales, that is your decision to make.  However, his theory does point out the reality that there are far more potential matches out there than we may initially believe.