How to booty call a guy

If you have read my previous blogs on booty calls, then you’re well aware of my thoughts on them.  However, “how to booty call a guy” seems to be a key search term to find my blog so I might as well answer it.

In general, I’m against booty calls and I advocate taking a lover if you really aren’t looking for a relationship, you just want your itch scratched.  However, as a modern woman, I do realize that sometimes that itch does get quite, er, persistent.  So it’s best to have a game plan.

  1. Choose your target wisely.  You don’t want this to be a good friend (very very messy) or a guy you’d want a relationship with (you can’t change the dynamic once it’s established).  Obviously there needs to be some attraction but also a degree of safety, both in terms of health and security.  Remember, most guys will tell you what you want to hear rather than the cold, hard truth.
  2. Get his phone number.  You could email him but then you’ll spend a tense few hours waiting for him to respond while your head goes through any number of ludicrous theories as to why he hasn’t written back.  Oh, and most guys aren’t going to find it quite as creepy as girls do if you just happen to get their phone number from a friend, their social media page, or even a directory.
  3. Pick your time.  Are you scheduling your booty call?  It risks sounding like a date.  Are you dialing at midnight?  You risk him not being available.  Try to figure out what type of guy he is before determining when to approach it.  If you’re looking for an easy A, I recommend that you go for the studious type over the stud type, at least the first time out.
  4. Decide what you’re going to say.  This is not the time to stumble about verbally.  You want to be suave, not sweating.  Keep it short and direct without being vulgar.  If words fail you, you an always use the international code for booty call.  Ask the question, then wait for a response.  Do not fill in the silence with mindless prattle or your top ten list of why he should say yes.  He might be in shock, give him a chance to process it and formulate a response.
  5. If he rejects you, put on your big girl panties and suck it up.  For whatever reason, he’s not the guy.  Delete his number and move on.
  6. If he accepts (and it is shockingly easy to get a guy into bed – go figure), then you should have everything prepared ahead of time.  Have a good exit strategy and keep it vague (I have to work in the morning is pretty universal for you gotta go).  If you’re kind enough to let him stay overnight, I had a friend who used to prepare his booty calls breakfast, deliver it to them in bed, then tell them that their taxi would be there in about 30 minutes, prepaid of course.  What a gentleman!
  7. Afterward – do not be a clingy girl!  You slept with him.  He’s not your boyfriend.  He may or may not cuddle.  Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t call (in fact, keep the ball in your court – booty call him, do not allow him to booty call you!).  Instead, plan a girls night out to celebrate and share most, but not all, of the details…of how you did it.  Gosh, I would never instruct you to kiss and tell!

Direct from my desk – week 48

Not surprisingly, booty calls are a popular search term for finding my blog.  Let me briefly address a few more related search terms that I’ve seen:

  • how to get from booty call to monogamous lover – The odds of this are so minute it is classified as a miracle if it happens.
  • what constitutes a booty call? – If the only time you see him is for sex, you’re a booty call.
  • on. going sleepovers with your booty call – He spends the night because he’s too lazy to drive home afterward.
  • how to leave a booty call – Refuse to see him or take his phone calls.
  • confronting a guy who booty calls – Don’t bother, he’s just going to lie anyhow.
  • how to tell if you’re a booty call to your boss – Is the relationship based on sex?
  • denying sex to a bootycall – Good girl!  Just know that he’s probably got a back-up sex friend.
  • a guy gets yur number and call you a month later – He has no idea what you look like but wants to know if you’ll have sex with him.
  • he wants to take a break from booty – He wants to sleep with someone else.
  • how to tell someone you won’t be their booty call – Just tell them.  They’ll try it again on occasion but be strong.
  • how not to be a booty call girl – Just don’t do it.
  • booty call from ex boyfriend – Still a booty call.
  • how to disconnect myself from a bootycall i really like – Face up to reality.  He wants sex, you want a relationship.  Your needs are not compatible.
  • what to do if a guy marked you as a booty call – Unmark yourself.  You wouldn’t let a dog mark you, would you?
  • is it bad to be a booty call if he has a girlfriend – Not only bad, incredibly bad.
  • booty call hormones falling in love – Read a book called The Alchemy of Love and Lust by Theresa Crenshaw.
  • it hurts that i was just a bootycall – I sympathize with you but rip the bandaid off quickly and move on.

And a few from the guys that made me giggle (I hope they make you giggle too):

  • denying the girl a booty call – Novel approach, it just may work.
  • girl wont pick up booty call – Hopefully she’s reading my blog instead.
  • when woman don’t give in to a booty call – Aww, is self-esteem unattractive?
  • my booty call thinks shes my girl – That’s quite a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into.  No sympathy here.

Here’s the quick list of blogs I’ve written on the topic:

My mailbox is open:  girldontbestupid@gmail.com

Direct from my desk – week 30

Obviously if you’ve read my blog in the past week you realize that I’m against co-mingling of just about anything before marriage.  I may sound like a bit of a spoilsport but the statistics on successful relationships are not in your favor.  It sounds terrible, I know.  I don’t mean to sound like a Negative Nelly, I just want you to be realistic about your relationship.

A successful long-term relationship requires a lot of work, both in the beginning and continuing through the course of the involvement.  When we are in the throes of passion, the last thing in the world we’re thinking about is boring stuff like setting the foundation for a good future – we’re too busy being enthralled by our new love.  In the giddiness of a new relationship, things like finance and legalities seems to dim.  Unfortunately, if you break up – a big old spotlight is going to be shining on each and every poor choice you made at the inception of the relationship. (This includes not using protection before asking to see someone’s current health report!)

I’m not trying to stop you.  I’m trying to slow you down – if only just long enough to think about the long-term ramifications of your decisions.  A lease may not seem like a big deal until you move out and he doesn’t make the payments, affecting your credit for years.  Living together may not seem like a big deal until he does a favor for a friend, like hiding evidence of a crime, and you get arrested for being an accessory-after-the-fact.  Not everything will seem like such a big deal when it happens because you’re thinking that you’re going to be together forever.  However, what happens if you’re not?  What happens then?

My mailbox is open:  girldontbestupid@gmail.com

Every guy has at least one cute friend theory

This theory is one that I’ve talked about since middle school and while the circumstances may be different now, the general principle remains the same.  Back then it was a reminder not to be a bitch to any guy because he might have a friend that you’d want to date – you don’t want him to tell his friend bad things about you, do you?  Nowadays you don’t want a guy talking trash about you but generally speaking, you have to be far more of a psycho to get the kibosh from a guy.

Having said that, guys play by different social rules than we do.  While we would never dream of even touching a friend’s ex, guys merely require tacit approval from the friend.  However, if the guy only wants sex, there is pretty much nothing his friend can say other than, “she gave me the clap” that’s going to stop him.  Hopefully you don’t want a guy that won’t halt a booty call merely because of a pesky sexually transmitted infection.

The moral of this story:  Be nice to every guy you meet – you never know who he knows or who he may be able to introduce you to.