I hate you, no wait, come back

Everyone has had the experience that they ended a perfectly good relationship on a whim or for a rather small reason, only to change their mind and attempt to get their ex back.  Understandably, if you break up with a guy and then try to get him back, the relationship isn’t going to bounce back to the pre-breakup level.  The more he holds back, the  more you get frustrated at his lack of enthusiasm, the more he thinks that breaking up was the right thing to do.

Don’t be that girl.  When you orchestrate a break up, make sure you mean it.  Do NOT do it on impulse, on your friend’s advice, or because you got scared.  Break ups should be made with cold, hard logic (this is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with because of x, y, and z) and not with passion (omg, I can’t believe you just said that, we’re through!).

If you have done this, please be aware that you have a very small window to admit your mistake and make it up to him.  Realize that you’re going to have to do a *lot* of work to get him to trust you again and it probably will never be the same again (which may be a good or a bad thing).  Also, be prepared to suck up your pride for a bit but not forever – 0nce you get it back on the right track, you will both need to agree to move past the break-up and not bring it up again.

The bad news is, it may not work.  He may decide that you’re more trouble than you’re worth.  If you really like him though, you can try to endure a long wait until you both become different people and then try again.

It’s only as complicated as you make it

Relationships, like life, are only as complicated as you make them.  You have the ability to simplify the situation.

Those things that you freak out over – are they really that important when you look at the bigger picture?  Coming home with phone numbers in his pocket is wrong but if a girl flirts with him, it’s okay as long as he responds appropriately (for his information, the appropriate response is, “Have you met my beautiful girlfriend?”).  Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Relationships come with trade-offs.  You may not want to be his mommy but you can ignore his socks being left in the living room overnight.  His monthly poker game with the boys?  That’s twelve nights out of three-hundred and sixty-five and the rest of the nights, he’s with you.  Concentrate on the good parts, but don’t be a fool.

It’s entirely your choice how you handle your relationship.  Your mind will highlight and magnify whatever you focus on – make sure you’re focusing on the right things.