How to booty call a guy

If you have read my previous blogs on booty calls, then you’re well aware of my thoughts on them.  However, “how to booty call a guy” seems to be a key search term to find my blog so I might as well answer it.

In general, I’m against booty calls and I advocate taking a lover if you really aren’t looking for a relationship, you just want your itch scratched.  However, as a modern woman, I do realize that sometimes that itch does get quite, er, persistent.  So it’s best to have a game plan.

  1. Choose your target wisely.  You don’t want this to be a good friend (very very messy) or a guy you’d want a relationship with (you can’t change the dynamic once it’s established).  Obviously there needs to be some attraction but also a degree of safety, both in terms of health and security.  Remember, most guys will tell you what you want to hear rather than the cold, hard truth.
  2. Get his phone number.  You could email him but then you’ll spend a tense few hours waiting for him to respond while your head goes through any number of ludicrous theories as to why he hasn’t written back.  Oh, and most guys aren’t going to find it quite as creepy as girls do if you just happen to get their phone number from a friend, their social media page, or even a directory.
  3. Pick your time.  Are you scheduling your booty call?  It risks sounding like a date.  Are you dialing at midnight?  You risk him not being available.  Try to figure out what type of guy he is before determining when to approach it.  If you’re looking for an easy A, I recommend that you go for the studious type over the stud type, at least the first time out.
  4. Decide what you’re going to say.  This is not the time to stumble about verbally.  You want to be suave, not sweating.  Keep it short and direct without being vulgar.  If words fail you, you an always use the international code for booty call.  Ask the question, then wait for a response.  Do not fill in the silence with mindless prattle or your top ten list of why he should say yes.  He might be in shock, give him a chance to process it and formulate a response.
  5. If he rejects you, put on your big girl panties and suck it up.  For whatever reason, he’s not the guy.  Delete his number and move on.
  6. If he accepts (and it is shockingly easy to get a guy into bed – go figure), then you should have everything prepared ahead of time.  Have a good exit strategy and keep it vague (I have to work in the morning is pretty universal for you gotta go).  If you’re kind enough to let him stay overnight, I had a friend who used to prepare his booty calls breakfast, deliver it to them in bed, then tell them that their taxi would be there in about 30 minutes, prepaid of course.  What a gentleman!
  7. Afterward – do not be a clingy girl!  You slept with him.  He’s not your boyfriend.  He may or may not cuddle.  Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t call (in fact, keep the ball in your court – booty call him, do not allow him to booty call you!).  Instead, plan a girls night out to celebrate and share most, but not all, of the details…of how you did it.  Gosh, I would never instruct you to kiss and tell!

Online dating – awesome or awful?

I don’t know too many people who haven’t at least put up a profile on a dating website.  Online dating has exploded in the past few years and for good reason – it allows you to shop for a mate from the comfort of your own home.

The pros:

  • Lots of profiles to flip through.
  • Knowing what you have in common before the actual date.
  • People on dating sites are looking for dates and/or a relationship.

The cons:

  • Lots of profiles to flip through.
  • Outright liars and time-wasters.
  • Finding a great person halfway around the world.

Online dating requires a bit more savvy than being set up by your great aunt Mildred.  You need to pay attention to what the person is saying and if what they’re saying makes sense and is consistent (why yes, you should take notes, keep emails and keep logs of your text messages).  If you think something is contradictory don’t be reticent to ask for clarification.  If you think someone is lying, they probably are.

You will probably find people a bit more serious about dating if they’re on a pay dating site rather than a free one.  Of course there will be “players” and jerks on those sites too just do your best to identify and block them.  Take your time to get to know someone before meeting them but don’t allow a false sense of intimacy to develop with someone whom you’ve not yet met.

If you want to narrow down your choices you might try a niche site however don’t choose something that you only have a passing interest in.  It’s hard to maintain an interest in cat herding if you’re not truly passionate about it.