I hate you, no wait, come back

Everyone has had the experience that they ended a perfectly good relationship on a whim or for a rather small reason, only to change their mind and attempt to get their ex back.  Understandably, if you break up with a guy and then try to get him back, the relationship isn’t going to bounce back to the pre-breakup level.  The more he holds back, the  more you get frustrated at his lack of enthusiasm, the more he thinks that breaking up was the right thing to do.

Don’t be that girl.  When you orchestrate a break up, make sure you mean it.  Do NOT do it on impulse, on your friend’s advice, or because you got scared.  Break ups should be made with cold, hard logic (this is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with because of x, y, and z) and not with passion (omg, I can’t believe you just said that, we’re through!).

If you have done this, please be aware that you have a very small window to admit your mistake and make it up to him.  Realize that you’re going to have to do a *lot* of work to get him to trust you again and it probably will never be the same again (which may be a good or a bad thing).  Also, be prepared to suck up your pride for a bit but not forever – 0nce you get it back on the right track, you will both need to agree to move past the break-up and not bring it up again.

The bad news is, it may not work.  He may decide that you’re more trouble than you’re worth.  If you really like him though, you can try to endure a long wait until you both become different people and then try again.

Freedom, you’ve gotta give for what you take

Being newly single comes with freedom and responsibility.  It may feel like a free-for-all but you might want to curtail your indulgences.  Yes, you are free to do as you choose but that doesn’t take away your common sense.

Freedom can be heady but you have a responsibility to keep up your life.  Do not go out and get so drunk on a Tuesday night that you can’t go to work the next day.  Don’t sleep with your friend’s ex just because you can.  Maintain your life and your discipline because it can all quickly spiral out of control.

So what can you do?  Take calculated risks and make wise decisions.  Do nothing on impulse.  You can be spontaneous but don’t be stupid-spontaneous.  Weigh out the pros and cons of each decision and know what you’re getting yourself into.  Have fun, but make sure your bases are covered.  Give yourself a bit of time to think and breathe – the opportunity will still be there tomorrow.  And if you think something is a bad decision, it probably is.