Uncomplicated

Uncomplicated is one of those words that makes me cringe when I hear it dripping off a guy’s lips.  He’s intending it as a compliment but it really isn’t and I’ll tell you why….If your relationship is uncomplicated, then one of you isn’t being authentic and most likely, it’s you.

You know what a synonym for uncomplicated is?  Easy.  I’m not saying that your job in a relationship is to make his life difficult but you can be too accommodating, too understanding, too afraid to rock the boat.  Sure you want to put your best foot forward but make sure you’re being your true self.  Don’t create an image of yourself for him to fall in love with because it’s unsustainable.  Don’t be so intent on winning the guy that you lose yourself.

Some guys (not all guys – there are good guys out there) will use this word as a behavior modifier.  It’s a bit of a veiled threat – keep the relationship simple and the relationship continues; make the relationship complicated and the relationship ends.  It’s manipulation.  If you’re involved with one of these guys – run and don’t look back!

So if you’re with a guy who suddenly comes up with this little gem – ask him what it means and listen to his response with your brain, not your heart…because a guy who wants an undemanding relationship doesn’t want all the marvelous complications that real life holds.

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Paying him to go away

I’ve known a number of people who remained in relationships for money, or rather, for a lack of money.  Sometimes there is an honest lack of money but sometimes it stems from deception or inertia.

If it’s merely a matter of inertia, you need to make some hard decisions.  Have you overstayed your exit strategy?  Have you gotten comfortable in a poor relationship?  Are you sure you’re ready to leave?  Crunch the numbers again and then decide if you’re ready to rip the band-aid off.  (Oh, and if you stay, you need to commit to the relationship, relationships do not take place in gray areas.)

It could be deception, either conscious or subconscious, by either party.  They could be saying that they don’t have enough money to make it on their own all the while they’re going out and partying every weekend.  You could be telling yourself that you’re worried they don’t have sufficient financial skills to make it on their own.  None of this changes the fact that you are not responsible for the other person once you’ve severed the relationship.

If, on the other hand, there is an honest lack of funds – like your partner says that he doesn’t have his half of the money to pay for the divorce paperwork or to afford to move his belongings to a new place – my suggestion is radical, pay for it yourself.  If all that stands between you and your new life is an amount of money you can easily afford, pay it and go be happy.