Babysteps

In the beginning, you need to get moving.  Yes it would be preferable to get moving in a good direction but even physics tells us that a body in motion tends to stay in motion.  So to begin, first you must start.

• Maintain a healthy lifestyle because that will help you make good choices.
• Remove anything harmful from your life – this includes people, places, and things.
• Forgive and love yourself, don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes – learn from them.
• Write down what you’re thankful for and why.  Focus on the positive.
• Be gracious and kind to others.  Reciprocity is powerful.
• Start small and find things that make you happy.
• When something is no longer working for you, leave it for bigger and better things.
• Do things for others.  If formal volunteering isn’t your style, look for other opportunities to make people smile.
• Make plans to enrich your life.  Set goals and timelines to reach them.  Celebrate your accomplishments.

The insufferable affliction of being alone with you

Quite possibly one of the hardest parts of a breakup is when all the hullabaloo dies down and you are left to your own devices.   Friends have stopped the random cheer-me-up phone calls and have returned to their regularly scheduled lives.  Your mom doesn’t fret if she should have him over for the holidays.  The post-breakup sabbatical that your coworkers had offered you is over.  It’s like the universe has silently judged that your period of mourning is well and truly done.

Breakups suck and generally, you’re looking forward to the day when it’s over.  Even if the breakup is civil,  your self-esteem and self-confidence have taken a beating.  In the midst of a breakup, you fantasize that your life will be better afterward – calmer, content, nesting.  You never imagine how excruciating it can be to be alone with yourself.

In the beginning, you will attempt to amuse yourself – new hobbies, new friends, new boys.  These diversions will end quickly as their entertainment value pales.  You may find yourself bored, restless, even slightly angry.  You need to look for something greater, you need to search for yourself.

I got yer crazy

You’ve decided to leave.  You have your exit plan written and you’re executing it.  Everything is going well but you’re dying to get out of the situation or he attempts to provoke an argument.  It’s so easy to go batsh*t crazy and blow your plan.  I know you want to be out of the relationship but that isn’t a reason to be stupid.

Yes, you may feel that every day you’re dying a bit inside but do not just up and leave.  You created a plan because you want to leave the relationship the right way.  You want to be okay, you want him to be okay, you want your reputation to remain intact to whatever degree that’s possible.  It would be less complicated to say “Eff it. I’m done,” however that’s terribly rash and foolish.  You’re smarter than that.

When you feel that you’re about to completely lose your mind, take a deep breath and remind  yourself why you’re doing this.  If it appears that he’s attempting to force your hand, you may wish to have a frank talk with him about separating the “right way” and even bring him into your plan if he’s amenable to it.