Moving is a chore. Moving out is an obscene exercise in masochism. Attempting to divvy up your lives, sorting your stuff into boxes, and condemning your memories to dark recesses to live, perchance to die. It sucks and I can never recommend it.
However, sometimes it is necessary so you should attempt to make it as painless as possible.
- Involve him in the process but not the processing. If you know something is yours, put it in your box.
- Make a list of things that are in dispute. Decisions will be easier and quicker when using a list rather than picking up each object and seeing the emotional load it holds.
- Be quick with decisions and do not fight for something unless it’s truly important to you. Don’t fight for the toaster when you can buy another one. Do fight for the quilt your Nana made.
- Be as generous as you can afford to be. He may be petty to exact his pound of flesh. Your freedom is more important than a microwave.
- Get everything in writing! Even if you can’t afford a lawyer, draw up a dissolution contract with an appendix of how things will be separated. If you don’t, he can later file a stolen property report if he really wants to be a jerk.
- Keep him in the loop as to when you’ll be moving. You don’t need to tell him everything but he shouldn’t come home to an empty house one day.
- Work with him to cancel every bill in your name and re-open it in his. Do not assume you’ll get to this later.
- Hire movers. Any male friend that comes to help you move may be a target for his anger.
- Do not damage the house or any of his property. You’re moving out, resist the temptation to be petty.
- Take everything at once. Do not leave anything behind. Give him all copies of your key.
- If you have a rental management company, have them come over the day you move out to check the dwelling and release you from the lease.