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We need to talk

We need to talk,” are possibly the most nerve-wracking four words in the English language when strung together.  They stress out the speaker and the listener.  These words are the harbinger of change.

You will need to prepare what you’re going to say and how you want things to go.  You’re basically entering an ambush negotiation so plan accordingly.  Determine what you’re going to say by figuring out what you want the end result to be, then work backward.  Be honest but tactful.

Enlist the help of a friend.  Rehearse what you’re going to say and have them give you feed back.  If you think he’s going to be violent, bring a friend to the meeting but only do this if you honestly believe he’ll be violent, not just that he’ll be angry.  Bringing a friend definitely ups the ante and will make him feel ganged up on.

Pick a calm time to speak with him.  If he’s already having a bad day, you’re only going to make it worse.  Not only is this cruel, it’s unnecessary.  If you’re not fleeing the country by a specific date, you can wait for a calm time.

Say what you’re going to say and only that.  No excuses, no soft-selling, no back-pedaling.

Expect him to be angry.  So when he yells, swears, etc – be calm and neutral.  He may say some horrible things to you.  Do not retaliate.  If it goes on too long simply tell him, “If we can’t discuss this, I will need to leave.”

This may take more than one conversation but know when it’s time to pull the plug.  If no progress is being made, if neither side is moving toward the center, then you’re just wasting your time and his.

Realize that you will not be leaving this on a good note.  There are no good difficult conversations.  You will have to content yourself with agreeing to disagree.

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One response to “We need to talk

  1. Pingback: Finding your big girl panties « Girl, don't be stupid!

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