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Pyrrhic victory in relationships

If you’re unfamiliar with the term Pyrrhic victory, allow me to summarize:  the victory has cost you more than you could afford to lose.

When leaving a relationship, it’s tempting to stand up for your principles.  You may feel a need to tell your partner everything they’ve done to wrong you, to “force” your partner to face up to their failings, and to somehow prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re not the bad guy. You may want your partner to pay his “fair share” of a specific debt or agree to an equitable custody schedule for the cats.  You may have a deep, abiding need to somehow make things “just.”

Nothing is even, fair, or just when you’re leaving a relationship.  Leaving a relationship is when you admit that you’re done, you’re giving up and attempting to win some great moral victory will cost you more in time and energy to win than it is worth.  Do not get distracted by petty victories; keep your eye on the real goal – getting your life back.

Be aware that when you stand on principle, you may be standing on your dreams.


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