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Woe is me

A close relative of the Eeyore is the victim.  A victim wanders through life wondering why he’s so persecuted.  He may seem sweet, sensitive, and born under a dark cloud.  He’s the perpetual underdog.

Victims can be quite attractive.  A nice guy with a run of bad luck.  He may appeal to your mothering side, your desire to help (do NOT give him any money).  Sooner or later, you’re going to realize that he doesn’t attract misfortune, he courts it.

It could be that he doesn’t want to be happy.  Maybe he doesn’t know how to be happy.  He seeks out situations that will create unhappiness and then he revels in it.  Then he paints himself as the unfortunate victim to gain sympathy.  (This last part is pure manipulation – even if they aren’t conscious they’re doing it.)

Should you find yourself involved with a victim, you should politely bring to their attention their pattern of behavior.  This can be difficult without sounding parental or judgmental.  Do your best to keep an even tone and use examples where you aren’t saying I told you so.

Do not be surprised if he flips the script and you find yourself in the role of the bad guy.  He’s accustomed to being the victim so don’t expect his attitude to change overnight.  Victims can be difficult to change, even with counseling so don’t be surprised if you’re soon packing your bags.

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2 responses to “Woe is me

  1. Hope2.0

    Been there done that a few years ago…and yes it’s very hard to ‘change’ a victim . I did make the mistake of giving him money…I ended up paying his bills, our appartment and everything….and couldn’t see the problem because, indeed, he was manipulating me. Unfortunately, I found out too late that he was not only a fake victim, but also a violent man. So my advice to you ladies, be aware of the red flags and run for your life as soon as you see them!

    • Thank you for sharing your story. It can be difficult to admit (even to ourselves) that we’re loving the wrong person. We want the relationship to work so we overlook some of the warning signs. You’re right though – when you see the red flags, run!

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