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Your children are not your relationship

Some people have made the mistake of choosing their children over their relationship.  Worse, they don’t even know that they’re doing it.  Parenting can be exhausting.  It can really test your endurance and while you may want it all, it can be difficult to have it all.  Choices need to be made and priorities assigned.

Do not make the mistake of focusing more on your children than on your relationship.  Yes, children are precious little minds that you are responsible for molding into productive citizens.  However, in eighteen years, they’re going to be moving out of your house and you’ll be left with a complete stranger for a spouse and nothing to say because the main topic of conversation is gone.

Your children are important but so is your significant other.  Continue to make time to check in with them on a daily basis.  Have date night – yes it’s cheesy but it’s also important.  Stay connected to your partner through common interests (no, the children do not qualify as a common interest).  Remain a couple, even within a family.

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2 responses to “Your children are not your relationship

  1. I hear what you’re saying, but lets talk about single mothers. Kids become more at risk of various types of abuse if she dates or lives with a boyfriend. Also, I don’t think parenting stops when the kid turns 18. How many wise 18 year-olds do you know?

    • My blog is generally written in best-case-scenario but you raise some good points.

      I agree that world-knowledge isn’t magically imparted to you at the age of 18. We need to prepare our children for the world-at-large while attempting to shield them from danger. However, I think we do our children a disservice if we don’t foster independence and critical thinking.

      I don’t recommend that women introduce their children to every guy they date because I believe it is confusing for the children. Children tend to form bonds more quickly than adults and then suddenly, he’s no longer around through no fault of theirs.

      Yes, there are sick bastards out there. It is our job to be vigilant and selective as to who gets to interact with our children. If your child comes to you with a serious allegation against anyone (including biological relatives), the authorities should be involved.

      I’m not advocating taking your partner’s side over your child’s side. I’m talking about relationship where the couple has, through ignorance, exhaustion, etc., allowed their core relationship to atrophy. One day they wake up, the children are in the process of breaking away, and they’re complete strangers. We must stay connected to our partner in order to foster a successful relationship.

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