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When bitchy isn’t bad

Bitchy generally refers to someone who is mean or spiteful.  More recently, bitchy has been used to describe any woman who isn’t a doormat.  If standing up for yourself is bitchy – be bitchy.

I’m not saying that you should be rude, malevolent, or vindictive.  That won’t get you where you want to be in your relationship (unless your goal is to alienate your partner and make him leave – then by all means, go right ahead).

Having said that – you should always stand up for what you believe in even within your relationship.  You will not be rewarded for subordinating yourself to your partner.  You have 50% of the responsibility in a relationship and 100% of the responsibility for your happiness.

Be honest.  Be nice.  When your needs aren’t being met, communicate them rationally and in a straightforward manner.  Men are not good at reading between the lines.  If you aren’t clear they will likely think they are doing well while you are growing in your resentment.  You can not blame him for not delivering what you need if you never tell him what it is.

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2 responses to “When bitchy isn’t bad

  1. I just got into a discussion with a man online recently about how he thinks women secretly want guys to be a bit of a jerk but that men really prefer a woman who is sweet and kind. Well, Im not so sure. Ive spent a lot of time being nice to men and in return got taken for granted and taken advantage of. My ex husband actually complained that I was too nice and “not bitchy enough”. Well. Sorry. I guess. 😛

    • Women do not secretly want men who are jerks! We want men who are men in all their glorious complexity. Some women want men who need a bit more work than others. Some women may make the wrong choices. However, I’ve never known a woman say, “You know what I really want? I want a guy who is going to beat me then cheat on me.” Nope, can’t think of a one.

      Men do want a safe place to land but each man is an individual – what one guy considers kind another man might consider a doormat. Successful relationships are about making a good match. It doesn’t sound like your ex-husband was a good match for you and good for you for putting yourself into a position to find someone who *is* a good match for you.

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