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It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission

Being cheated on is similar to living through an earthquake – the one thing you thought was solid turned out to be shaky ground.  Cheating encompasses so much more than just the physical act of sex.  It’s a devastating cocktail of lying, humiliation, and righteous anger.  Unfortunately, it’s also not that uncommon.

As the old adage goes, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.  Wouldn’t you rather they ask permission?  Then at least you have the option of giving permission or leaving the relationship.  You might suggest this to your partner but don’t expect them to stop in the moment and ring your cellphone to ask if it’s okay.

How should you react when your partner confesses to cheating?  You have every right to be angry and you shouldn’t deny yourself that.  There will be a split-second where you will need to decide if you want to save the relationship or be rid of him – that moment will dictate your near-term and long-term future.  Either way:

  1. Do not ask for details.  They will only haunt you and drive you insane.
  2. Ask where his relationship with the other person stands at the moment.
  3. Ask what resolution they would like to see occur.
  4. Despite the rollercoaster that you’re on, maintain your calm and do not make any rash decisions.
  5. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor to help you gain perspective on the situation.

5 responses to “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission

  1. I have been here in this place you have written and I found something even more powerful than any of those things that not only helped me heal it… it changed something in me forever.. I had to forgive something inside myself that caused me to have this pain over and over and cause myself to do actions that I didn’t mean or understand at it’s time. I was trapped in the thoughts that kept me thinking about what actually happened and what caused me the most painful places inside of me to emerge that have never been healed.. I then had to heal her for doing this.. I had to allow her the ability to heal what inside her made her do such a thing.. If I never found a way to forgive myself for it I would have never been able to give something I couldn’t give myself… It was amazing… great post!

  2. This bipolar writer wishes she had this kind of maturity and introspective thoughtfulness 20 years ago. Great post.

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