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The sexual orientation continuum

Where are you on the Kinsey scale?  Relatively few people are 100% homosexual or heterosexual, they lay somewhere on the sexual orientation continuum.  So it shouldn’t come as a surprise if your partner confesses to a same sex interest of some sort (anything from he’s a good-looking man to he’s an ex-boyfriend).

How do you handle your partner’s revelation?  Take a moment to catch your breath.  You will probably have a million questions but don’t ask for details, instead, ask these:

  • Was it situational sexual behavior? (girls kissing in a bar to get a guy’s attention, sex tourism, etc.)
  • Is this an on-going interest? (bisexuality, homosexuality)
  • How does this impact our relationship?

Being less than 100% heterosexual or homosexual does not make one less than, it is simply a measurement of their sexual orientation.  However, it is also not a free pass to engage in sexual behavior outside your relationship (bisexual doesn’t mean you get both a boyfriend and a girlfriend unless they both agree to a polyamorous relationship).  If you have agreed on a monogamous relationship, they should adhere to that regardless of their sexual orientation.  Cheating with a man is still cheating.

Should you have a long-standing relationship and your partner is delayed in accepting or acknowledging their sexual orientation, you have some hard decisions to make.  Would both of you want to continue the primary relationship with an agreement regarding secondary relationships?  Would a negotiated closure contract be beneficial to both of you?

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One response to “The sexual orientation continuum

  1. Brilliant post. I couldn’t agree with you more.

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