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Committing to your team

I’m sure you’ve seen people who are coupled up but act as individuals, perhaps you’ve even been guilty of this yourself.  It can be difficult to transition from one person to one-half of a couple.  It can push you out of your comfort zone as you contemplate the potential downside of coupledom:  loss of freedom, losing your identity, or even being played for a fool.  These can be difficult issues to overcome and, if left unconquered, they will derail your progress as a couple.

Yes, you will lose a bit of freedom when you are in a couple.  You will need to consult the other person on everything from staying out late to major purchases.  Very few decisions will ever be solely yours again.  On the other hand, no trouble will be entirely yours either.  You will have a sounding board for your decisions and someone to lean on when you need support.  This is a trade-off.  When you think of what you’re giving up, think of what you’re getting in return.

The only time you risk losing your identity in a relationship is when you’re not strong enough in it to begin with.  Know who you are and act accordingly.  Do not betray your guiding principles.  If needed, start at the beginning of this blog and do the work.

Every time you trust someone, you risk being played for a fool.  That’s simply the truth.  However, you can minimize that risk by choosing wisely.  Do not trust people who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy.  Keep your wits about you.  Do not take things at face value – probe until you get to the truth.  Even having done all that, there is still risk and you must content yourself with knowing that if someone “fools” you, that it reflects more on them than it does on you.

So here, now – commit (re-commit!) to your team.  Sit down with your partner and talk about your commitment and really feel it.  This is your team.  You have one half of the responsibilities and one half of the rights.  You are jointly responsible for how life turns out for you with no heroes and no victims.  For better or worse, you are together to the end.  This one shift will affect everything in your relationship for the better.


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