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Of course I trust you

Trust is huge in a relationship.  Trust issues are insidious and can quickly undermine an otherwise good relationship.  Unless your partner has specifically broken your trust in the past, trust issues are generally about the person who has them.  My advice – quit trust issues cold turkey.

  • If you have been hurt in the past please realize that this has absolutely zero to do with your current relationship.  Take each person as an individual and don’t make them pay for another person’s mistakes.  If you can’t start fresh with someone, you may have to look a little deeper into yourself or your relationship.
  • Snooping is unacceptable.  The more you dig, the more paranoid you become -even if you don’t find any “evidence”.  If you don’t trust your partner, you may wish to reconsider why you’re in the relationship.
  • No interrogations.  Discuss any concerns rationally but don’t get emotional and don’t browbeat your partner.  No one wants to be involved with someone who is constantly suspicious of them.
  • Believe what your partner tells you.  I’m not saying to believe lies (if he’s lying to you, this isn’t the right relationship) but if he says that he’s playing poker with his friends, believe that he is playing poker with his friends.  If it turns out later not to be true, it reflects badly on him, not you.
  • Refuse to give into your desire to “check it out”.  If you’ve already looked him up on the internet, searching again will not make you feel better and you’re not likely to find any new information.  Calling his cell phone at all hours won’t yield the desired results.  Following him is bordering on the insane.  If your relationship is driving you to these lengths, you should reconsider your involvement with this person.
  • If you honestly believe he is being deceitful, break up with him.  Do not bother confronting him because a conversation will not resolve your insecurities.  Consider that if you ask the question you will get one of two answers.  One answer will kill you.  The other answer you will not believe.

Are there men who lie?  Absolutely.  However, living as though every man lies will not improve the quality of your life. If you go looking for bad news, you will invariably find it.

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