In my past two posts (Don’t go away mad, just go away and How to be dumped gracefully), I’ve talked about how you don’t want to talk someone into staying with you if they really want to leave. I’ve talked about the power imbalance it creates and how eventually it will lead to resentment. Here’s how that works:
One of you has decided that you’re done with the relationship. You’ve already mentally moved out. You’re ready for greener pastures. Just one last thing to do – notify the other person.
However the other person has a different idea. They plead their case. They’re making you feel guilty. They’re arguing you into submission. Just to get out of the conversation, you agree to stay thinking you’ll figure out how to end this later.
Later never seems to come soon enough. You feel trapped. You begin to hate the other person. You treat them poorly hoping they’ll break up with you instead.
They sense the change in your emotions and counter by either whining or smothering you. The less control they have, the more control they covet. They’re unhappy but not unhappy enough to quit.
This is a situation you can not win. The moment one of you decides to leave, the other person just needs to let them go.