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Don’t go away mad, just go away

There are about a million wrong ways to break up with someone but they generally have one thing in common – being inconsiderate.  Being dumped is already a hard pill to swallow, but doing it in a mean or rude fashion makes it ten times worse plus it increases the chances for blow-back.  So the rules for breaking up with someone are:

  1. Choose your moment wisely.  If his nan just died, this is not the moment.
  2. Rehearse what you’re going to say with a friend so that it doesn’t sound as though you’re placing blame or attacking him.
  3. Be kind but firm.  Do not leave open-ended statements.  You’re breaking up with him, don’t leave him with hope – that’s just cruel.
  4. Listen to what he has to say but don’t be swayed by his arguments.  If you’ve already decided to break up with him, staying with him will lead to a power imbalance and ultimately, resentment.
  5. Understand that he will be angry.  This is usually the shock talking.  Do not attempt to defend yourself or respond in kind.  He’s entitled to his opinion.  A handy phrase is, “I can understand how you might feel that way.”
  6. Obviously if he gets violent – call the cops.
  7. Take a cooling off period.  No, you really can’t be friends immediately after a break-up.  Give it some time and see if you even have anything in common other than the fact that you were dating.

One response to “Don’t go away mad, just go away

  1. Pingback: Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye « Girl, don't be stupid!

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