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Time after time

Most women have had a tempestuous relationship.  The kind where you break up and get back together so much that your friends look at their watches and roll their eyes.  The kind where he keeps making the mistake (like finding himself naked with another woman).  The kind where he’s giving you just enough attention to keep you coming back but refuses to have an actual relationship.  Your heart is being held together with band-aids and yet you keep letting him back in.

How many times do you need to be hurt before you break the cycle?  Breaking the cycle can happen in one of two ways:

  1. You sit down with him and talk through your problems, come to a resolution, and both parties continue in a healthy fashion. (this is the exception)
  2. You have a huge fight, break up, and never speak to one another again.  (this is the rule)

I’m not a fan of breaking up during a fight (more on that in a coming blog) but sometimes a relationship is so unhealthy that you simply need to be away from it.  So ask yourself – what are you getting out of this relationship that prevents you from moving on?  It has to be something or you wouldn’t stick around.  No one is that much of an emotional masochist (and even then, an emotional masochist is getting some needs met).  Ask yourself:

  • What is the relationship dynamic?
  • What need it being met?
  • Does that need belong in a healthy relationship?
  • Can that need be met in another way?
  • How can I give myself peace and move on?

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