Much of what we discussed this week was on the theme of time. One mistake I see women make is to wait too long to either figure out if they want to commit to someone or for that person to commit to them. Commitment doesn’t necessarily mean marriage in this day and age however it should be entered into with forethought and sincerity.
My rule of thumb is one year. Within a year you’ll have seen someone through an illness and a (albeit small) financial crisis. You’ll have had sufficient time to assess their personality and their character (which are two very different things). You’ll have had at least one fight but hopefully not too many which will tell you how they experience and exemplify anger. You’ll be able to judge their resilience and should have a pretty good idea if they’re a good match.
Keep in mind that a good match is entirely different from a great love story. A great love story is just that – a story, edited by history and largely unchanging. You’ll be living a relationship which occurs in real time and is dynamic, requiring a certain degree of flexibility.
If, at the end of one year, you do not know if you want to commit to someone – you don’t. If they don’t know if they want to commit to you – they don’t. I’m not saying that the commitment has to occur at the end of the year but the knowledge should certainly be there.