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Are you asking this question?

We usually have a list of questions that we run through when we’re first getting to know someone.  We ask about their background, their family, their dreams and their previous relationships.  We’re trying our best to ascertain if someone is the correct match but sometimes we’re not asking the right questions (and we’ve already covered that some people will happily lie by omission if you’re not asking the right question).

Of course one of our primary interests when we’re dating someone is their previous relationships.  Strangely we tend to tread lightly when we should be in there stomping around.  Anyone’s interpretation of their past relationships is going to be from their perspective.  No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides and you only get to see the one they’re presenting (unless you track down their exes but I sincerely do not recommend that – evidently it’s creepy).

So while we may ask, “How many relationships have you been involved in?” a better question (or a good accompanying question) is, “How long was your longest relationship?”  Now, if the fellow is in his early 20’s you’re not really expecting to hear that his longest relationship was 5 years but it’s not a good sign if his longest relationship is measured in a matter of weeks or a few months.  If, on the other hand, the guy is in his 40’s and his longest relationship was 9 months to a year – this is a very bad sign.  He might be fine to date but obviously endurance is not his strong suit.  It can’t simply be a matter of incompatibility, there is something wrong here.

Remember, if each of his relationships has only lasted a short while and he’s the common denominator, the problem lies with him.


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