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He’s not your best friend

“I want to marry my best friend.”  Ladies – do not make this mistake.  Your boyfriend/husband should never be your best friend.

It’s sweet to think that he might be.  That he’s the human being you can tell everything to.  He’s your person.  He’s the one that’s going to be there for you forever and ever.  All that fuzzy bubblegum logic.  Undoubtedly your partner should be someone that you can rely on, who will take care of you and whom you can take care of in return.  He should be a significant part of your life but he shouldn’t be your best friend.

Why?  Because when the sh*t hits the fan, you’re going to need someone outside the relationship to talk to.  If he’s your best friend, who are you going to bounce things off of when the relationship isn’t going exactly as you want?  Who is going to talk to you about your dream of going to medical school without having their own agenda?  Who is going to discuss the merits of Shemar Moore’s butt with you over ice cream and chick flicks?  That is the job of your best friend, not your partner.

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2 responses to “He’s not your best friend

  1. Not an relationship expert, but how can anyone else solve the issues than the couple themselves? You and your partner are in the better position to understand as to why this relationship works. How does a friend or the friend help when “shit hits the fan.”
    Sometimes, vantage point is better from a third-person’s POV. But, if I were to borrow your own logic of having personal agenda’s.
    Is it not probable that your own friend/s have agenda’s which they not share with you?
    Can you be certain any advice given is free of such agenda’s?
    I don’t think you can ever be free of such doubts, If these don’t occur to you then you have been blessed with great friendships.

    Personally, I don’t know if I would need a best friend as a partner it would be nice, but I certainly will not NOT want it.
    More so, for me my partner should be my solitude, If I don’t feel it, there is no partner. And I can’t explain that to any friend, nor can an outside source ever explain that to me.
    I’d rather tell things to my partner than anyone else. (yes, acknowledged comes under fizzy bubble gum logic to you.)

    Is it necessary to talk to someone else outside the relationship?
    I.E about the relationship when shit hits the fan as you put it.

    • I do agree that the only people able to solve problems in a relationship are the people involved. However there are situations where the people involved are too close to be able to see properly. A best friend helps in several ways:

      1. They listen to you vent without feeling the need to defend a specific position.
      2. They offer a neutral point of view.
      3. They give you someone to talk to about things that may not be appropriate to talk about with your partner.
      4. They help you pick up the pieces afterward.

      Example: Your boyfriend argues with you about you getting drunk and flirty. Your best friend isn’t necessarily going to take your side, she’s going to set you straight on why your behavior is bad for the relationship.

      Example: A man at work is paying attention to you and you’re starting to fall for it. You can talk this over with your best friend while you can’t really talk that over rationally with your partner.

      Example: Your husband announces a sudden desire for an open relationship. A best friend is going to help you work through those feelings, how you should approach the conversation with your husband, and if the relationship fails, is going to be someone who will help you get back up on your feet.

      Friendships are based on trust and most friends don’t have an agenda past wanting you to be happy. If you find that you don’t trust someone and you believe them to have an agenda, you should reconsider your friendship with them.

      On a personal note, yes, I have been blessed with extraordinary friendships.

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