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When someone shows you who they are, believe them

We’re always trying to put our best foot forward and give the other person the best possible impression of ourselves.  Usually you have to invest significant time in someone before you truly know who they are.  Red flags may be visible but we tend to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes, however, the other person shows you who they are.  It is usually a moment that leaves you speechless.  For better or worse, this person has just exposed their true self to you.  Pause and think about what you’ve learned.

Some decisions are simple.  They’re married, insane or a criminal on the lam.  Some decisions are more complicated.  Unusual religious beliefs, diametrically opposed political views, a lack of drive that may become an issue in the long run.  You’ll need to think long and hard if these are things you can live with.

The point is, when someone shows you who they are, under no circumstances should you deny who is standing in front of you – believe them.

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4 responses to “When someone shows you who they are, believe them

  1. Phil ⋅

    Seems rather rash — the difference between “who someone is” and just an offhand comment, gesture or action is completely subjective. There’s also the possibility that the person is doing something they wouldn’t normally do in order to elicit a reaction (good or bad) from you specifically not because that’s who they are.

    • Always nice to have a male perspective. You’re right, it is subjective but since I can’t live my readers’ lives for them, I can only encourage them to make good decisions based on the available information.

      If you read yesterday’s blog it dealt with small comments, gestures, and actions. I encouraged readers to make note of them and see if they could discern a pattern before confronting or dropping someone.

      Today’s blog was more about the big stuff – like when you find out they’re married (“oh baby, we’re separating it’s just not official yet”), cheating on you (“you’re my boo, those other girls don’t mean anything”), a misogynist (“I was raised to believe that vaginas have teeth” – no really, that one was said to me), that sort of thing. Women tend to give men the benefit of the doubt even when it goes against our common sense and sense of self-preservation. We’ll attempt to hang in there when we should really cut and run.

      I’m curious as to why someone would do something they wouldn’t normally do to elicit a reaction (good or bad). It seems a bit manipulative to me.

  2. Phil ⋅

    I threw in the “good or bad” for situations like shy love interest tries to act tuff because their jerk friend convinced them that’s the way to win a gal’s heart. Of course eventually they always make amends — at least in 80’s movies.

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