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The set up – a double-edged sword

Friends and family can have the best of intentions when they try to set you up.  After all, you’re single.  Their friend Malachi is single.  What more do you need in common?

Considering that we rarely tell our friends and family everything that is going on in our heads let alone our hopes, dreams, aspirations and requirements in a mate – it’s unlikely they’re going to be aware of what you need in a relationship.  Not to mention the hit your self-esteem takes when someone not-so-delicately points out your single status as though it is a defect.

You can’t win this one.  If you agree and it’s horrible, you lose.  If you agree and it’s successful, you lose when your friend feels left out.  People have a lot invested in their set-ups and when it doesn’t end in happily-ever-after, they blame the people involved rather than their own bad judgment.

If they insist, I suggest one of the following solutions:

  • Thank them and immediately inform them of your vow of celibacy.
  • Agree to meet the person at a party hosted by the friend.
  • Take the person’s contact information, communicate with them long enough to establish a rapport then invite them out for coffee.

Above all, kick your friend out of the situation because this isn’t a three-some.


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