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Pursuing men without actually chasing them

It sounds like an oxymoron but it’s not.  The trick is to not go overboard.  Give him opportunities but also give him obstacles.  Most of all, don’t be desperate.  Here’s your plan:

  • Look at where your life intersects men and increase those opportunities.  If your life is confined to knitting circles and your work in the maternity ward, you may need to expand a little.
  • Do not, however, engage in an activity that you clearly have no interest in other than meeting men (for example, a course in auto mechanics, hanging out at the gun store, a rabid interest in sports without knowing the rules).  Men have an on-board “desperate” sensor.
  • Do not shit where you eat.  This means that no matter how tempting do not date someone that you work with.  It will end and end badly.  If you fancy him so much, find another job.
  • Engage in normal conversation with them.  Find out what you have in common.  Build the conversation from there.  Ask him to a group activity or casual coffee.
  • Do not conduct an interrogation.  Do not ask if they’re interested in marriage, kids, etc.  Do not delve too deeply into their past life-of-crime, you’re not the police.  All of that can wait.
  • Put yourself in his way (make it natural because there’s nothing worse than a lousy, on-the-spot lie that you have to maintain forever, “I was just admiring the bark on these trees here…outside your office”
  • If he doesn’t take the bait, walk away.  Believe it or not, you already have your answer.
  • Telephone calls:  Be polite and call him back.  Once.  No need to respond multiple times to one phone call.
  • Text messages:  Use sparingly.  Respond to his but again, not multiple times.  Don’t bombard him, it looks like you don’t have a life.
  • Dates:  Feel free to reciprocate once he’s asked you out.  Remember – whomever asks, pays.  Don’t do anything over-the-top, no tickets to a play-offs game.  Also pace yourself – nothing too serious or too girly.
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