This will be a trip down memory lane so you might want to get a glass of wine and a piece of paper (or an Excel spreadsheet). You’ve had relationships that didn’t last. No shame in it, we all have (well maybe not those people who met when they were 12 years old and have never parted but the rest of us, the rest of us have had failed relationships). The trick is not to see them as failures but to see them as an opportunity for improvement.
How do you do that? I’m so glad you asked.
First, divide up your paper (papers?) according to the number of relationships you’ve had. Assign each relationship two columns, one good and one bad. If you’re following along in Excel, you can do the same thing although you can make it pretty by giving each relationship a color. If that makes you paper girls feel bad, draw a happy face and a sad face for each column. This is going to suck so you might as well have a little fun with it.
In the good column, put all the things that you liked about the relationship (not the boy, the relationship). In the bad column, put all the things that you didn’t like about the relationship (again, not the boy, the relationship). So the good things might be hiking together on Saturdays, breakfast in bed, no need to fit a relationship timeline. The bad things might be highly volatile relationship, none of our interests intersected, never sure where the relationship was headed. There are no right or wrong answers.
Allow the ink some time to dry and grab two highlighters (in Excel I recommend coloring the background). With one color, mark off all the good things that were similar in each relationship. With the other color, mark off all the bad things that were similar in each relationship. You should see a pattern here which will be the framework for what you do and don’t want in a relationship. If you have no pattern, it could be that you were highly influenced by the person you were involved with. Hopefully you’ve gone through the past few months of this blog diligently and have a stronger idea of who you are and what you like.
Save this information, we’ll be using it again in the future.